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• Scoop: June09

  Welcome to the latest missive from the good ship Viva where we are riding the wave of the recession like a floaty thing. We know how you like your lists so without further ado we’ll coast on at a rate of knots (enough with the sailing metaphors) to this month’s Viva Top 10.
  
  Top 10: Something in the air
  
  Walked into the office the other day and Quark ace Sharon was having a smelly dinner (if you’re posh you’ll be confused at this point — we’re talking lunch, dear) at her desk. Tuna filled baked potato. The stench wafted along the corridor and down the stairs so visitors to Viva Towers were greeted to a rank fishy smell. Not good. Of course, when I complain I am told I am the worst offender. It got us thinking that this month’s Top 10 should be a celebration of smelly office dinners.
  
  In reverse order, here are the worst offenders:
  
  10 Anything that’s been left in the fridge for 6 months (are you reading this, Rebecca?): Food that needs resuscitating before use really ought not to be inflicted on your work colleagues.
  
  9 Cheese: Warm cheese — especially a whiffy one like Stilton — is not really a crowd pleaser.
  
  8 BBQ flavour: A hot day, the back garden, couple of beers and some BBQ food.  Now that’s a great combo. In the confines of the office, phone ringing and the windows shut, it’s like a cloying, sickening perfume that lingers way past its smell by date.
  
  7 Curry: Enough said.
  
  6 Anything warm from Greggs: A national phenomenon much loved by students who haven’t got a McDonalds on hand.
  
  5 Fish and chips: Granted, there is nothing lovelier in the world than the smell of a chippy dinner with plenty of salt and vinegar, but it’s not fair, I’m trying to lose weight.
  
  4 Tuna baked potato: Now come on Shaz, play fair. Warm tuna smells and looks suspiciously like cat food.
  
  3 Pot noodle: Or any of those heat in the microwave concoctions that look, taste and smell like wallpaper paste mixed with shoe scrapings.
  
  2 Tone’s Mackerel salad or anything: OK, the fat blobber is trying to shed some weight but he will insist on eating those oily blighters at his desk — a stench factor of 10 on the Cat Magnet scale.
  
  1 Egg Mayo butties: Home made from Julie’s free range eggs, they taste lovely but the rest of the team has to break out the gas masks, before, during and after the operation, erm lunch.
  
  This is our best shot, but we’re convinced you can do better. What gets up your nose? Whose dinners trigger the evacuation of your building? Who needs a lesson in office etiquette? Send us your entry to tony@vivapr.co.uk before June 30 explaining what the smelliest dinner is and who is the worst offender. The winner will get a bottle of bubbly to wash down their lunch with in style.
  
  Facing up to the Facebook challenge
  
  Traditionally, marketing has been about using tried and tested methods to sell stuff or your message to clients or consumers. But, as you may have heard, the world is changing fast.
  
  Newspapers, I am sad to say, are dying. In time, magazines will follow. TV has fragmented beyond belief with new channels arriving daily. Programmes are Sky Plus-ed and adverts skipped. You Tube? 40,000 new videos uploaded every day. There are a million radio stations but if you’re like us you’ll already be using Spotify (link to www.spotify.com) so you can listen to any music you like whenever you like. Our poor brains are bombarded with all this stuff and it is little wonder our attention spans are dying.
  
  So, how do you spread the word? How do you connect with people? Where do you place your key messages? Take a lesson from Facebook and Twitter. Did you use them because you read an advert, saw a TV commercial or heard a radio ad?  Of course not. Did you need an instruction book in seven languages? The world is changing and you have to adapt with it.
  
  Build an online following and use it to spread the word — whether that’s nice sausages, frocks or just great service.
  
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